This will likely seem like it’s coming out of left field, and actually, it probably really is considering! But, it has been laid on my heart to write this for some time now. Really, just over the past two months or so. I am making it seem like eternity! Haha! But regardless, I feel like I am finally ready to let things go so to speak. You’re going to be like, what the flip is she talking about…well let me explain.
I love and gravitate to people in our industry who are like-minded to myself. Genuinely happy and who want the best out of life. To serve our clients as small businesses and make sure they’re so, so, so well taken care of. To just live life and exist. Nothing too fancy, just something that makes our souls feel complete. Well, with that being said and let me be blunt with you…that all stopped one day back in December. I all of a sudden found myself in a state of anxiety and fear over my business and success. In constant fear and comparison to not being good enough or up to par of the industry leaders. You know, the general…feels I get from time to time just like anyone else with anxiety.
This time though…I fell into a state envy. To friends. To other people around me. But mostly, to the photographers that I look up to in our sweet little, but HUGE wedding industry. I remember specifically what set me off the most. I was already feeling pretty down on myself that particular day. I scrolled through Instagram endlessly, just like always *sigh* I clicked on a photographer’s instastory that I admired. I mean, who doesn’t love instastories?! Basically…if you watch mine it’s a lot of running, dancing after, cooking, and lots of photos of my dog, Cooper…HA! But this day was different guys. A person I looked up to said they had “so many emails from 2018 brides wanting to book” or something like that. I don’t really remember. Typically, these are marketing tactics and I knew better than to actually listen, but that’s when it hit me.
I wasn’t doing good enough. I wasn’t GOOD enough. I didn’t have “so many emails from 2018 brides wanting to book” emailing me. Booking the weddings I have so far this year for 2017 alone was all of a sudden something that wasn’t enough. I fell to the ground spiritually and emotionally that day, friends.
Before I continue…let me assure you that this is NOT a post to call anyone out or to say someone is doing something not ok. Actually quite the opposite. I am glad it happened. Yeah. I said that. I was GLAD it happened.
Because, HELLO! I am so freaking #blessed. I have an amazing husband that believes in me, loves, and supports me. We have a house over our head and a super cute dog and two cats. We have family who loves us through and through. Friends that are the friends I could have only dreamed of having. I have a business that I am able to bless people through and be blessed by genuinely connecting with them and capturing some of the biggest moments in their lives.
Guys. THAT is my success. THAT is my pure definition of success. I could seriously never ever imagine being anything remotely more than that, and that is NOT a bad thing. I am HAPPY. I am seriously so, so happy where I am and couldn’t dream of living a different life.
So, what went wrong?
I was so busy looking and gawking at other people successes that I didn’t realize mine were right in front of me. Sounds pretty simple right? We are all guilty of it. Truly we are. Looking at someone else’s successes and wondering why we aren’t in the same flashy boat with fancy shoes and name brand sunglasses. It’s o-k guys. Give yourself permission to tell yourself you are wrong. Tell yourself you ARE good enough for YOU for YOUR meaning of life. You got this. Be you. Whether you choose to believe in a higher power or not, one thing is true…you are you for a reason and you are the only you there is.
Some Suggestions for dealing with this feeling of not being good enough
– Love yourself my friend. You are the only you there is. That is so special and so, so precious.
-Unfollow those people you have been envying. Not out of spite. Wish them well. Wish them success. But take that trigger out of your life for the time being.
-Follow people who you genuinely care for and love to see grow. Create those friendships. Decide to comment and encourage instead of just “liking” their stuff.
-Love on your clients just a little extra. They came to you because they LOVE your work and trust you for a reason. So show them that and more.
-Remember what YOUR definition of success is. If you don’t have that already, then it may be time to list those reasons out.
-Ditch the word perfect. It doesn’t exist.
-Be grateful and content right where you are because you are there for a reason.
-And last but not least, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. EVER.
A serious special thanks to my husband, family, and my friends in my wedding referrals group who helped me through this little bump in the long long road. You know who you are. I don’t claim to know it all, I just choose to share my struggles when I feel it could maybe help someone or maybe not. Life isn’t meant to be this hard you guys. So, live it for you.